Starting over

 

I've decided to start blogger again. as ik want to rant out through writing. this will be mostly used to get my artist research and an easier way of showing the images I have collected. I feel that my sketch book is good for reflection but I don't feel I am getting all that's in my head. therefore this will be a rant/ long convocation to my self. I feel comftable with blogger but i know i only used it because i had to for my other projects, and found out for my fmp i can use it in my own way now.

(this may be a shit way and will be boring to read if you do, but its for me.)

 

 

 

start of my project. i feel i didn't go into my head enoight and show what was going on in my head when i was given the project and even through ive only got a thew weeks left for my fmp i want to reflect back to see where i started and get my head together.

 

 

i knew my idea before i even started my fmp. i found an artist while still looking for my metaphorise reasech (different project) ive never been so sure about my theme and i knew i wanted to show this deaply. i found an artist on fb first, bit typical lol. but her name is katie Crawford who was studying as a photoagraphy student at LSU. she created her project 'my anxious heart' in spring 2015 on her own experience with social axiety. she used materials which showed the metal illness well. i researched further into her own website.

 

she quotes 'i have battled anxiety for a decade, and i finally have been able to capture it and expose it in the light'.

 

which she did do perfectly. she showed the physical tole anxiety gives. and used photogahy to show whats its like in her mind and possible others with anxiety. this helped me to feel that not only others have anxiety but how people feel the same, and the impact of her photogrsphy not only inspired me but related and helped me.

a glass of water isn’t heavy. it’s almost mindless when you have to pick one up. but what if you couldn’t empty it or set it down? what if you had to support its weight for days… months… years? the weight doesn’t change, but the burden does. at a certain point, you can’t remember how light it used to seem. sometimes it takes everything in you to pretend it isn’t there. and sometimes, you just have to let it fall.

 

 

 

 

my head is filling with helium. focus is fading. such a small decision to make. such an easy question to answer. my mind isn’t letting me. it’s like a thousands circuits are all crossing at once.

 

 

they keep telling me to breathe. i can feel my chest moving up and down. up and down. up and down. but why does it feel like i’m suffocating? i hold my hand under my nose, making sure there is air. i still can’t breathe.

 

 

i want to do this, infact i already decuided once i seen her work, to put people in my perspective. and show people what its like for me. therefore i had athough ideas already.

 

things i feel with an axiety or panic attack (very personal)

• feeling overwhelmed
• feeling like everyone is staring at me
• really hot starts in my leps and head
• feet and hands heavy and singling
• heavy feeling in my head
• rasing heart
• feeling sufforcated
• trapped in my own mind
• feeling like I'm going to die
• sick       

ideas to show this

 

• drowning in a bath (want clinging materil)
• showing heat
• suffocating (rope or cling film)
• heavy ness somehow