Liverpool. has been the most inspiring place for me through my entire 2 years at college on a trip. i found two artist which inspired me the most. i have already mentioned this in my sketch book but i wanted to rant it out on my blog. so i could express whats in my head and get it out.

i feel the blog is the best for me when I'm to took in my head and need to get it out so i can understand whats happening myself. i feel there work has greatly inspired me and i need to use this and not forgot it, as i feel i have through my work the past couple of days.

i have lost my meaning on why i am doing my work and i need to releft in order for my work to have its meaning back.

I'm taking a step back form my work inorder or it to sure its purpose as i wanted it to.

i mostly feel these 2 artist has help (candiaris and lucus) as they use structure to present clothing. in a different form. i this open my eyes on the possibility on using fashion and art together to show the two and also bounce off of eat other. this concept has been going through my work but i need to reflect it more, and think before doing.

I keep reflecting as I was boneidle and didn't write on my blog while actually creating my peices shit.! but I feel that reflecting now with only one week left will actually be better, as now I am under pressure, but don't actually feel it. I feel this week is going to be the best week of my hole fmp. as this blog has cleared my head and now I know what I want to do. I am even more inspired than ever and I want to use this right now to create pieces which I enjoyed. I have to admit that I have enjoyed my fmp more than other briefs. I just need to look at thew work I have created. like actually look and so I can sort my shit out.

I feel I am being negative to myself right now and I should because I di actually like my work I just keep making the same stuff and staying in my comfort zone. I need to escape from my own head.

when filming yesterday I could remembered an artists name and she didn't actually influence that much but her idea behind the piece resembled my work through the use of hyperventlying when having a panic attack and she showed that well through her work she inspired be in the fact that she used simple materials like glass and breath to show her work. which now reflecting back I feel I need to make my work easier by using simple materials but still have my theme showing. I basically just need to keep[ reflecting which I haven't and its annoying me because now I know I would of made less work with more of a meaning to lile shitty pieces that I don't actually know why I did them. infect i did I just did them because I didn't know what else to do. and I want to kick myself right now.                                                                                                                                          the only thing I do know right now is that I have never been so fcused and inspired by my work than in my fmp. I like the meaning and I relate a lot to this personal theme which I have pickled. I really picked the theme to show other people what's its like having anxiety and how personal it is to me and kind of scary to put it across. I also like how it isn't that easy to see the theme I have picked therefore I only really know what its about until I tell people.

just had a discussion with jon and I am writing to remember it. he said I need these two days to reflet on my work and I don't think it is progressing. so I am making the same shit./ this isnt good and I need to remember the reason why I am making the work.

I also need to realise that not all my materials may not be handed to me e.g plaster
fabrics
and other resources

this means that I have to9 adjust to the materials I have and possibly find another alternative.
jon had this problem with plaster as he didn't think he could use it again for carton circumstances. and he has to make sacrifices for his work.
I am trying to think now how I can develop mu work and make them in a different way, with different materials.

 I feel that the one thing I wouldn't live with out would be fabric. as I would die without this in my work.
at the moment plaster has been a big part in my work and I feel that for my fmp I would be able to work without it.

I didn't have to make one sacrifice in the project. mo0ney!!!!!!! I havent being able to afford a lot of plaster or certon fabrics which worked well in my artwork. therefore I have been using a lot of old fabrics from charity shops as well as clothing.


I need to be resourceful and think about what im making
ella! cant stress this enough acutally think about the theme you are going with
I also need to try and reuse artwork which I don't like.
I need to more creative and think that I have lost this slightly through my fmp.

Now my ideas have just got clearer and I have a really inspiring idea which has led me to others, finally!

I have got a lot of ideas in my sketch book but I feel now my work/ideas have changed I have decided to make a more neat sketchbook (the other one is to messy.)

the ideas started flowing by me randomly typing into google, clothing dipped in plaster. and this is when the ideas started coming.

I feel as though none of the pictures i found was actually useful to me but i used the actual idea of me typing the words in google for inspiration. i will not use these photos to inspire me. as they didn't.

 I would like to use this materil (plaster) and go back to fashion subject area rather than photography (which I am not interested in) and want to create garments dipped (or try to) in plaster. which thank god I typed them in otherwise id be stuck with the bath idea.


just came back to this post after athough week. done a lot in my sketch book but I want to rant on my blog. I feel the dipping clothing in fabrics idea hasn't really progressed I feel although now i have this idea and it inspired me so much that i cant get it out of my head and go further with my work. i have created although pieces with both clothing and fabrics, watching how fabrics get frozen with plaster, the way the move and how they are positions.
how fabrics are meant to move and flow but the plaster stops this. but still makes it look like it has movent with the seams and drapes to the fabric.

I need to keep invertigating and find other alternative of my idea to research to improve and develop.

For some reason, looking back I thought of some shit ideas.
I was mostly influenced at the time by Katie Crawford. as she used the theme anxiety through out her work (which she portrayed well.

My ideas...

using a bath tub and filling it with black food colouring (less likely to stain)

using photography for this idea

also wearing clothing which will cling to me in the bath as well as clothing the fabric

use a thin, free flowing material

look like I am drowning



another idea...


inspired by an old inspiring artist of mine in the past with previous work.


Lucy McRae!


using tubes which will wrap around someone's body and filling it with colour water. (pumping it through the pipes

shows suffocation and feel tight or restricted.


I need to look into these ideas more and investigate into these artists. on why they did it and what they are trying to show through there work.

I also need to look more in detail of my ideas and this is only my first through ideas so I'm sure it will improve or change.

 

Starting over

 

I've decided to start blogger again. as ik want to rant out through writing. this will be mostly used to get my artist research and an easier way of showing the images I have collected. I feel that my sketch book is good for reflection but I don't feel I am getting all that's in my head. therefore this will be a rant/ long convocation to my self. I feel comftable with blogger but i know i only used it because i had to for my other projects, and found out for my fmp i can use it in my own way now.

(this may be a shit way and will be boring to read if you do, but its for me.)

 

 

 

start of my project. i feel i didn't go into my head enoight and show what was going on in my head when i was given the project and even through ive only got a thew weeks left for my fmp i want to reflect back to see where i started and get my head together.

 

 

i knew my idea before i even started my fmp. i found an artist while still looking for my metaphorise reasech (different project) ive never been so sure about my theme and i knew i wanted to show this deaply. i found an artist on fb first, bit typical lol. but her name is katie Crawford who was studying as a photoagraphy student at LSU. she created her project 'my anxious heart' in spring 2015 on her own experience with social axiety. she used materials which showed the metal illness well. i researched further into her own website.

 

she quotes 'i have battled anxiety for a decade, and i finally have been able to capture it and expose it in the light'.

 

which she did do perfectly. she showed the physical tole anxiety gives. and used photogahy to show whats its like in her mind and possible others with anxiety. this helped me to feel that not only others have anxiety but how people feel the same, and the impact of her photogrsphy not only inspired me but related and helped me.

a glass of water isn’t heavy. it’s almost mindless when you have to pick one up. but what if you couldn’t empty it or set it down? what if you had to support its weight for days… months… years? the weight doesn’t change, but the burden does. at a certain point, you can’t remember how light it used to seem. sometimes it takes everything in you to pretend it isn’t there. and sometimes, you just have to let it fall.

 

 

 

 

my head is filling with helium. focus is fading. such a small decision to make. such an easy question to answer. my mind isn’t letting me. it’s like a thousands circuits are all crossing at once.

 

 

they keep telling me to breathe. i can feel my chest moving up and down. up and down. up and down. but why does it feel like i’m suffocating? i hold my hand under my nose, making sure there is air. i still can’t breathe.

 

 

i want to do this, infact i already decuided once i seen her work, to put people in my perspective. and show people what its like for me. therefore i had athough ideas already.

 

things i feel with an axiety or panic attack (very personal)

• feeling overwhelmed
• feeling like everyone is staring at me
• really hot starts in my leps and head
• feet and hands heavy and singling
• heavy feeling in my head
• rasing heart
• feeling sufforcated
• trapped in my own mind
• feeling like I'm going to die
• sick       

ideas to show this

 

• drowning in a bath (want clinging materil)
• showing heat
• suffocating (rope or cling film)
• heavy ness somehow